Monday, 16 March 2015

Moving Foward.

Some of you may have noticed that during the last 8 months, I have been on the quite side, well there is a number of reasons of this, the main one being my relationship with my now ex. In all honestly the relationship it's self was very time consuming and my health took a massive battering because of it,  in all honesty I was putting his needs before my own!

The relationship really was bring me down, and stupidly its took till now to see that, and I am actually grateful to him for all the hurt and pain he caused me, and all the huge amount of nagging that I had to do, along with the lack of attention and care I received,  because it made me realise he was not a man, just a boy who was lost, and needed a lot of guidance. He was not looking for a relationship but for someone to hold his hand as he entered the big wide world all alone, not knowing what to or where to turn.

There was me for a short while feeling sorry for myself over a man who's nearly in his 40's who is unable to get support from his own family, his own friends and whos ex wife has had to put up with heaps of shit for the past 10years! - My family and friends kept asking me what I was thinking, and all I can think now is what the hell was I thinking, I must have been so low, that I allowed this vile person to use my caring nature to his advantage, he did not respect me or my son, and did not take my views into account, his horrible person would lie and seek attention else where from other individuals.

It has made me realise just how strong as a person I am , and how much I have to deal with on a daily basis from my own life with my son with ADHD and my own Personal Health issues.
 As someone who is nearly into their 30's, and while I am sad that I am yet to find that 1 person who is going to love and respect me the way I deserve, I actually feel lucky for the things I do have, and the amount of support I have from my family. How I am able to go on 3 or more holidays a year, how I am able to hop on the bus and travel to the beach or anywhere else I fancy. That I have a range of amazing shows I can go and see and spend time enjoying.

But on the other hand it feels me with sadness that 1 person would be so un happy with themselves and there life that they would seek the attention of others, while in a committed relationship, that there need to try and hold on to a person would be to ask them to marry them, when one relationship has not ended. That despite asking for help that no one was there to offer it. The thing that makes me feel sorry for that person the most is the fact, that they can not tell the truth to save there life, and that they feel they are protecting themselves in doing so, and not being able to realise that the truth always comes out! , That this person must be so un happy that they go about their lifes trying to better it, however in the mean time cutting themselves off and acting selfish and stubborn, there pushing the people who care about them and love them further and further away!

I really wish my ex the best, but If hes reading this I strongly suggest he takes some time out, away from his so called friends, and actually sees who is there for him and who is not, because friends should be there to support you , not just be there for a Lads night! Also before getting into a relationship think about what scares him the most, and why he acts and does the things he does, because I can guarantee if the issues he has are not addressed he will end up very lonely!

Moving on -

So moving on from the last few months, will actually be much easier that I first thought, after getting over the initial shock of it all over the week, I realised that the relationship has been over for a long time, if it really ever got started. That I was spending my days sorting out my ex's issues and not looking after my own, or sorting out my own life and neglecting my health.

From now on I will be blogging more, entering competitions, taking my tablets, attending my appointments, going on amazing weekends and spending more 1-1 time with my son!

Even today life has been much more happier, I was able to think about me and even managed to cook dinner with Leo as a team, no calls to interrupt us!

Everyday I am going to read a positive quote set to my phone as a alarm, I am going to remember all the happy things that I have in my life and look forward to the holidays, days out and theatre and cinema trips I take!


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