Sunday, 12 May 2013

Read Questions on dating Part 1

I have had questions since I posted about the online dating post, However seems alot of you are afraid to make your comments live on the site, If you do wish to post you can make it anonymous so no one has to know who you are, not even I will!

One of the main questions you were sending into me is " How to know if he really likes me" 

Simple answer to that, is you will never really know how a man is feeling, for the simple fact that men do not like to show or share their feelings as much as we do. Some men feel the need to tell you how amazing you are because they feel like they have too, which makes the whole situation even more confusing.

There is a few things I have picked up from dating ( Not that I am some sort of expert, because you only need to look at my past relationships to know that).

1) They like to spend time with you, and would normally spend time with their family or friends, or even something so simple like going to the gym after work, Yet makes a date with you.

2) He likes to text you and know what your up too or to ask what your view is about something, Maybe he asks for your help on a situation.

3) He sees something in a shop and thinks of you, he may also pick it up ( This could be something simple as a drink you told him you liked, which he said he has not tried, yet buys it because he thinks of you and wants to see if he similar tastes to yours)

4) They like to touch you, And no I am not talking, randomly grabbing a tit while you out walking. I am talking about making excuses to touch you ( You have a piece of fluff on your top), or even the simple holding hands or putting his arm around you. Some men also express they like you via cuddles. - Public displays of affection are always good, as it means hes happy to tell people that he likes you and is not afraid his mate is going to walk past.

5) They will try and impress you, even if what they are trying to impress you with seems a little odd ( Ie look how many weights i can lift)

6) They will like to experience you to new things, take you to a restaurant you have never been too, take you paint balling. Going with this means that your open to try new things, and things do not always need to be on your terms.

I must stress that while all these signals normally mean that a guy is into you, it may also mean that he is just being friendly and wanting to get to know you more.

Allot of girls jump far to quickly ( Yes I admit i have done too) but its all about taking it slow and seeing what happens, that makes the whole relationship far more interesting, While I like to know where I stand with a guy, I do not expect him to declare his love to me on the first date (Unlike some girls).

Men Buying girls

I do not feel the need to be bought and I do not understand why some girls feel the need to test the men and see what they can get out of them, if your dating someone your not with them for the fact of "what you can get out of them"  you are with someone because you like to spend time with them, and want to get to know them more. I am the first to admit, that guys have spent alot of serious money on me in the past, but that has not changed how I feel about someone, or how long we where together.
For me personally, a guys attention, love and commitment to you are for more satisfying than if he can by me a bunch of flowers every week!

Dating more than one person 

I have been sent lots of questions about dating while interested in one particular person. For me personally I am a one guy only girl, I will only date one guy at a time. I have had comments from my male friends saying I am limiting myself to that one person, and in some sense putting a lot of pressure on to that person. I personally do not see it as that, as who and how many people I choose to go out with has nothing to do with anyone else. Personally I do not feel the need to play around. If I have meet someone I like why would I then feel the need to go out and check that I have made the correct choice into putting my time, energy and effort into getting to know someone.
If a guy is lucky enough to have my attention, then he still has to work for it, I may text back pretty much right away (Simply because I am not into messing about and making him think I'm busy or so on, when I am not), but the simple fact is, he will only have my attention for as long as he keeps me interested. If I become bored I will spend less time talking to him, and have been known in the past to have told people I am bored. - This was nothing against them, or the fact they bored me, more to do with the fact that everything was the same, it felt like it was going no where. I like to feel like each day is different.
If you honestly deeply connect with someone you will know right away if they are someone you could potentially have a relationship with.  So as to if you should date more than one person, I have to say it depends on you, Some people feel the need to date many people at once, others do not.

Should I assume we are together Officially -

Deffinatly NOT! why you may think all the signs your together are there, for him they might not be. He still might be happy to play the field check out the other girls out there. Men seem to always think there could possibly be someone better, and like to look and check out what there missing.

Only then, will he be ready to commit fully with you. Girls please do not nag at your man, and demand him to leave this site and not see his female friends ( How would you like to be told you cant see your friends, or have a jealous guy jumping down your neck all the time?) I have been in a jealous relationship, He kept on at me daily sometimes more, accusing me of cheating. In the end things got so bad that I ended up kissing this particular guy, and this is when i then called it off, to then find out that my boyfriend was cheating on me anyway! A physco jealous partner puts a lot of stress on you.

However on the other hand if you have been dating your guy for months and months and even years.. I would possibly ask what the hell is going on here!

Showing affectionate publicly

Personally this is diffrent for everyone, this depends on if you would feel happy showing off your feelings publicly. No I do not mean you need to do naughty things ( Some of the crazy things I have seen) I just mean kiss's and cuddles.

For me I am happy holding hands, kissing, cuddling, I would find it werid if someone I was with didn't want to do that, or feel comfortable enough to do that, for the fact it would make my insecurities come out and id be thinking " Is he ashamed to be seen with me". Again, this would be my problem and I would have to deal with it.
There is also a part of me, which thinks to much affection in public is way to much. I am not someone who needs to be holding hands all the time, or kissing, i can have my own space and enjoy my own space, that I do not need to feel I need someone there all the time.

Would you stop hanging with your friends for someone?

This is the question I hear the most among my friends because its always "so and so is with so and so and has not seen us for however long".

Personally for me, I feel its healthy for a relationship to have space away from you other half, when you start dating someone you work because they fit into your life with out making too much effort in the first place. Why would you then want to make it so intence that you spend every minuite with that person, you both need to breath and be able to do your own thing with out the other.

So go plan your girls nights out and tell him to plan his boys night! - It will make you stronger in the long run!

Do you think its ok for your man to go away on his own?

This for me is down to how secure you are with yourself and your relationship. I would not see the problem with someone I was with going of on holiday for a week or so on there own, while I stayed at home, For the main reason, I am not too fussed about going out into the big wide world, I have my son to think about and I feel that he has to live his life to, so if that is getting off to America then ill be happy with that. Id just plan lots of activities to keep my mind off him! 

When to introduce you kids to your partner?

This is a hard one, In the past I have introduced Leo to my boyfriends pretty early on, and they were in my life pretty much daily. Which in the long run, maybe was not the best Idea.

If I introduced someone new to leo, I would make sure he new they were just a friend, and maybe not let leo be arround him as much as I have allowed it in the past.

I do however think its good for the kids to get to know a potential partner, because they are the main part in your life and if they do not get on then you will not work! - Maybe do something fun with both the kids (If your partner has kids) So its not so intense, something, fun and active the kids enjoy and will take the focus off the potential partner. Something like swimming, meet up for a few hours go swimming, introduce them as a friend and their child as a play date.

For me if I am dating someone with kids, I wait till he asks if id like to meet up with him and his kid.

* My opinions on questions emailed to me from yourself s, there is so many to get through that this is part one! Hope you enjoy reading!

1 comment:

  1. Have to really agree with taking it slow. Seen far too many friends rush into a relationship, get emotionally involved and then have it crash around their ears.

    What has worked for me and my wife is definitely keeping each others lives separate. Whether it's evenings out with friends or just hobbies, it's good to have something that are just you and not us.


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